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personal statement

3 October, 2007

I don’t know why I’m so nervous about my personal statement that must accompany my law school applications, but over the past few days I have been fretting over it and wracking my brain to come up with a good topic. It’s not that I can’t think of anything to say, but I need it to actually be good. I guess I could be so nervous because this little two page document is one of the most important pieces of writing thus far in my educational career.

Two pages? I’m supposed to convey who I am and why I want to go to law school in two pages? All right, admissions councils. You’ve challenged me, and I think that I can rise to meet that challenge head on.

The best advice that I’ve found says that the statement should have a theme woven throughout it. You should emphasize as many of the following as possible: intellectual ability, analytic ability, imagination, motivation, maturity, organization, teamwork, leadership, self confidence, oral communication skills, written communication skills, and career potential.

I think that I may have done as much as humanly possible in less than two pages while still leaving room to personalize each essay to each school and say why I want to go there. Really, my reasons for each school are very different. I’m going to make a huge leap here and post what I’ve got. This isn’t a final draft, but the general idea is pretty final.

So, here it is. Let me know what you think!

[statement redacted] – I don’t want anyone to copy it. 🙂

11 Comments leave one →
  1. j3n permalink
    3 October, 2007 3:23 pm

    Lets see how I do offering advice to someone else’s writing, here we go…

    – Your sincerity is clear.
    – Paragraphs 2, 3, and 4 have more of a voice than paragraph 1.
    – Paragraph 1 says little about why they should except you.
    – In your own assessment does the whole follow a standard essay form of introduction, expansion, conclusion?

    – The first paragraph has many sentences that begin with “I;” they are also very short. You readers, lawyers, will not have any trouble reading complex sentence structure; short sentences are excellent for emphasis.

    – Removing the pronoun I – as much as is possible – always results in something better, in my opinion.

    “I did not always know I wanted to be a lawyer.” Try rewriting this sentence without the pronoun, without losing the point, and without out losing your individuality, your voice.

    Offering an example would lead the witness. -> If I were to offer an example I would simply be leading the witness. “I” prefer the first form.

    – Tell them what you want and expect from them and how it will assist you to be the lawyer you envision.

    I hope this is helpful.

  2. 3 October, 2007 3:44 pm

    j3n: thank you for your suggestions. you’ve been helpful!

  3. Veronica permalink
    3 October, 2007 3:54 pm

    Wow. That was great! I have no helpful suggestions half as good as J3n, but I just want to say that it was wonderful. I love your last sentence! 🙂 You’ll have no problem being accepted. Your only problem will be deciding which school to go to. 🙂 Good luck!

  4. Llama Momma permalink
    4 October, 2007 6:59 am

    K…You know I was never very good a proofing but I will tell you this….It touches my heart that you are being changed by the kids you are working with. I wish there would have been someone there to stick up for what I wanted my parents were getting divorced. You have a tender heart llama. The kids you help will be touched…that is for sure.

  5. 4 October, 2007 7:43 am

    Veronica: Thank you so much. 🙂

    Llama: Thank you, and I hope that you’re right!

  6. Llama Momma permalink
    4 October, 2007 9:04 am

    Of course I’m right…I always am!

  7. 4 October, 2007 9:11 am

    hee hee… silly me!

  8. Amber/Daydreamer permalink
    4 October, 2007 12:49 pm

    I really am reluctant to give advice on something that I’m not familiar with and that is so important to your future. (You need to talk to that editor Aunt of yours–hehehe) But what I can do is tell you what I liked about this. I liked that you showed your personality. It wasn’t all just, I did this, I accomplished this, blah boring. You showed who you were and what you accomplised by how you wrote this. Much better. You really came through strong in this, your motivation, your interest, your passions. I could tell that you are a person who will get what they want and do a hella good job as they get there. I think that would be important to show and you did that well. I think this is strong and very, very well written just from a readers perspective and I would think the admission team would think so but I obviously have no idea what they want to read so I can’t really say. Do you have friends who’ve written one already or professors who could read it over for you and give you more perspective from that point of view? I think it’s wonderful though, I really do.

  9. 4 October, 2007 2:32 pm

    Amber: Thank you much for your wonderful comment. I do in fact have some professors who can review it for me, and that is one of my steps. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t completely worthless before I asked them to read it. I wanted it to be attention-getting, and if non-law oriented people think it’s not, then it’s likely the admissions council will too.

  10. Amber/Daydreamer permalink
    4 October, 2007 3:27 pm

    Well, it grabbed my attention very well. I like the beginning and how you combined all those dreams you wanted to accomplish and fitted in how you can do all of them by being a lawyer. That was excellent.

  11. 4 October, 2007 3:41 pm

    Exactly what I was shooting for!! 😀

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